Today's poem is about one of my most favorite places in the universe. Thanks, Lucia, for making a sanctuary.
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I was inspired to write today's poem by a topsy turvy Friday. Typically, my Fridays are a heady combination of fun and productivity. I love wearing jeans and comfortable-yet-professional tops to work on my "day-before-Saturday" and am, in general, in a good mood. Today's Friday, however, really tried to get me and I'm happy to report, I persevered!
Soup in the lap, bloody nose in public, and a bona fide work kerfuffle had me fretting. So, I did my usual mode of processing and talked it out. I got some wonderful support and sympathy which called to mind wise words my father says when little things cause frustration. Wise words that encourage perspective on how really good I have it and the realization that all it takes to overcome is some elbow grease. I titled it "Infrequent Friday" because it's rare to have a Friday that challenges me and that's part of the perspective too. I really do live a charmed life. A few weeks ago I had an unsettling incident which was the theme for my poem today. As I was waiting for my bus one day before the holiday, I was punched in the head by a stranger who was obviously suffering from mental health issues. It was definitely a shock. At first I agonized over what it was about me that attracted his violence. I kept going back to that thought, until I realized that this wasn't about me and that I can't change how I go about in the world because of it, other than to raise my awareness. Coincidentally, the book I'm currently reading is the incredible disaster analysis book, Unthinkable by Amanda Ripley, which helped me frame the assault by stranger in a different light. She talks about people experiencing disassociation or freezing when they should be taking action as a natural response to fear, and that's what I felt I did. Froze.
She also talks about what can be done to overcome that paralysis and how to prepare for next time. Which is exactly what I'm doing, gleaning all the lessons from my experience and other great resources so that in the next situation I'm ready and aware. Without further ado: Last year I had the obvious realization that if I wasn't creating something, I was likely consuming. Food, tv, social media, goods, services, were all sucking me in to a vortex of consumerism and pulling me away from creating the myriad of ideas I have in my head. So in 2017, I resolved to create more often and was, ultimately, successful. I wrote more, crafted more, made more art than many of the previous years. And then I went to a Creative Mornings MPLS talk featuring Mary Jo Hoffman, a native Minnesotan who took her minimalism philosophy, her creative spirit, her love of nature, and her gift for photography and gave herself a photography challenge to take one photo a day and post it where others could see it. Her urge to other creatives at the talk was to do just that, find one thing, anything you like to create, do it, and share it where others can see. And in 2018, I've resolved to do just that - my creative venture is poetry and my goal is to write just one poem a day, about anything, and share it where people can see it. Here. On my blog.
I've loved writing poems since grade school when we were given an assignment to write a book of poetry. I was particularly proud of one eloquent piece titled "Fall" that went: leaves fall, fall leaves. Ha! I still love that poem from my adolescent brain. I also see many parallels between poetry and the other creative adventure I've been on, my yoga instructor training. Writing poems gives me space for reflection and an outlet for experiences. I chose poetry as my creative challenge because that joy from penning a good line is still there. I still get that satisfaction when I synthesize an experience or feeling with all the words that feel right. And like Mary Jo's choice of photography, I am choosing something that brings me joy. I don't know what I'm going to learn yet, and I don't know where it will take me. Mary Jo admitted that some days were harder than others, that some photos turned out better than most, and I've no doubt it will be the same with my endeavor. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy the reading of them for the most part, as I'm sure I will enjoy the writing. Life-paralysis, what is that? Well, it's a phrase to describe a state of being in which you cannot move forward in the direction of your goals. This momentary seizure can be caused by many factors such as indecision, lack of confidence, or fear. I have, unfortunately, found myself becalmed in the waters of my ambition more times than I care to admit. Thankfully, with all the times I've found myself adrift, I'm also improving in identifying those moments and reanimating myself towards a purpose. I think I've mentioned before that my Myers-Briggs personality is ENFP and, though my therapist brother-in-law tells me personality quizzes, in general, are simply a way for humans to create patterns out of chaos, the write up for ENFP does coincide with many "patterns" that I see in my character. According to a free Myers-Briggs quiz, 16pesonalities.com, the ENFP nickname is "The Campaigner." What that nickname fails to reveal is that as energetic and enthusiastic I can be for my creative projects, I can often get trapped in the pitfall of indecision or lack of focus. There are so many wonderful things to campaign and feel passion for - how do I choose just one!? Fear has also reared its ugly head to freeze me in neither fight nor flight; perhaps it's my subconscious "playing dead" when the bear of the future lumbers through my forest of dreams. When the weight of my goals sits heavily upon my chest, it seems easier to ignore the asphyxiation by distracting myself with countless cat videos, Instagram food, or my Facebook page, ultimately feeding the beast rather than taming it. Lack of confidence has also proved a shackle a time or two. My reoccurring thought, which I had even before writing this post, is "who am I to offer advice?". Some people refer to this as "impostor syndrome" although I don't feel as though I'm an impostor; rather my concern is that I will bore someone to death or contribute ideas that don't help anyone. Whew, I know its sounds rough, but all is not lost! As mentioned above, the common occurrence of my temporary life paralysis has resulted in a silver lining. I am now increasingly adept in overcoming these pitfalls and did convince myself that I had something useful to offer you, fair reader. So, without further ado, these are the methods I've found helpful in overcoming life-paralysis. 1. Be honest with yourself. This solution is probably the toughest because you have to come clean with why you are stuck. For example, I'd been allowing myself to "check out" by reading books for pleasure rather than spending time working towards my goals. Partly the reading had become a habit, but the other part was indecision. I couldn't decide where to direct my efforts, so I directed them nowhere. I had to fess up to myself when I realized the books I was reading were drek. Talking about life-paralysis to my sister and husband also helped, so I recommend finding a sounding board for your honest revelations. They can ground you while you face the fear.
2. Do something for five minutes that you can take pride in - even if it's just a "jobs done" satisfaction. This tactic is especially effective if you are struggling with the self-confidence. It's amazing how ticking off a few "to-dos" can make you feel accomplished. The other day I spent an afternoon taking donations to Goodwill, weeding my front garden, and getting my spare tire re-inflated for an upcoming road trip. Each task had been on my to-do list for a while, and they all took less than an hour each. It was so satisfying by the end of the day to have so many long-standing items ticked off. I'm sure I had a grin the rest of the evening. 3. Step away from the phone/laptop/kindle. I know, I know. We hear this one so often it's annoying. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with being dialed in 24/7, but when you are trying to reanimate your purpose, the best thing to do is disconnect. How can you know your mind if you are continuously consuming other people's thoughts and ideas? We have so much more to offer than the consumption of goods and services, but you need to give your brain some time to form your own thoughts. I'm happy to report that these methods have revived me from my latest bout and I hope they serve you well too! Let me know, was this post helpful? Am I the only one who suffers from life-paralysis? Feel free to comment or let me know on twitter! "Keep it simple, stupid!" I still remember the encouraging voice of my elementary school teacher who repeated that phrase if ever we lost sight of our project goals or tried to beleaguer a topic in an essay. Elementary school teachers sometimes send us on with the most remarkable nuggets of wisdom that come resounding in our minds at the most opportune moments. This certainly was the case for me recently when I eagerly sat down at my kitchen table with my 2016 goal board ready to complete my much-anticipated "introspection and reflection" prior to goal setting for the new year. My grin slowly drooped into a frown as I surveyed my annual progress. I had set 19 goals. I had set 19 goals? Why had I set 19 goals? I began to tally my achievement and realized I had created a goal board that would have made me feel unsuccessful no matter the outcome. I had set 19 goals. 19. for one year. I'm only one person. After I tallied the results, I found that I had achieved 40% of my original 19 and it didn't feel good. In an attempt to cheer myself, I then reviewed how I did "categorically", meaning, if I had set three measurable goals that all related to health and I achieved one - then I "sort of" met my health goal. When I broke it down into categories I had met a goal in each category, but it felt empty, and I knew why. I had failed to KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID. But all is not lost! I resolutely turned to my 2017 goal board, and, brow furrowed with determination, I began creating a more manageable vision of what success would look like in the year to come. As I sat, I glanced absentmindedly at my Instagram feed and saw that, thehappyacademy, an instagram account I follow, had posted an incredible quote that echoed the lesson learned from 2016's goal setting gaffe. It read, "the key to fulfillment isn't doing more, it's doing what matters." I excitedly penned it to the top of my page as inspiration for my task. I then resolved to only select 4 goals, just 4, for my 2017. I put them into categories again (I can't help it, I like categories), and selected my measurable goals for Professional Development, Creating, Financial, and Health. I also paid particular attention to ensuring my goals were "SMART", if you've heard the term. The acronym stands for smart, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely (with attainable being the element I believe I missed the previous year). I'm smiling as I write this because I think I'm on the right track. I've now discussed my goals with three people and feel good about accountability. I've taken my performance from last year, analyzed my trends, found an area of improvement and am working towards that continual progress. I'm now looking forward to December 2017 (wow, doesn't that seem a long way off) to share with you the outcome of my annual goals "introspection and reflection". Feel free to check in on my progress! And, happy goal setting! Get two wheels beneath you and get your feet a' pedalin'. For reals. My eldest sister once reflected to me that everyone smiles when they get on a bike, and, having immersed myself in mountain bike culture for the past year, I have to say that anecdotal wisdom seems true. Eight hours of blearily squinting into harsh white screen glare with hunched shoulders and a numb posterior does not benefit my health. The hours in meetings, writing, reviewing data, and discussing projects are well spent but can leave my brain swirling with the very long list of growing to-do's that hurtles at my psyche like a train bearing down on a cow on the tracks. Moo. In my past life, my farming life, I recognized the catharsis of retreating to the outdoors and losing myself in manual labor, milking cows, tossing bales, or cleaning mangers, to refresh my body and mind - but hay bales are harder to find in a concrete jungle. To what should I turn when weighted down by stress and exhausted by inactivity? The answer, I've found, is going for a bike ride. You could argue that the same could be said for any type of activity, going for a walk, going to the gym, dancing, etc. and I think you'd be partially right. Everyone is different and everyone has their own motivations but I wanted to share a little of my own mad-thinking that brought me to my conclusion that biking is best. I have found that gyms make me grumble from the cost, going for a walk sometimes feels "too easy" (read: not enough sweatin' time), and I struggle getting motivated to work out at home because I don't actually have to go anywhere and the couch becomes a vortex when I step within five feet (seriously, beware my comfortable couch). Biking, however, rolls a lot of what we know about reducing stress into one fun-filled activity. First, if you go fast enough, you'll sweat - and sweating from physical exertion is good for your stress levels. Second, it's an activity done out-of-doors, and scientists have indicated there are benefits to our brains by just being outside. Finally, it can be done by many folks at all skill-levels. In fact, there are so many "types" of bike riding it's boggling. Mountain biking, cyclocross, road biking, touring, cruising, BMX, trials, recumbent, tandem, you-name-it, there is probably a biking-style out there that's sure to plaster a grin on your face and motivate you to get outside and move after a long day of sitting. So my message is this, if it's been a minute since you last balanced yourself on two wheels and pumped those pedals, I encourage you to head out to the garage, clip on your helmet, dust off the ol' schwinn (don't forget to oil the chain!), and go for a bike ride. Oh, and, feel free to let me know if you crack a smile. ;) I recently received an incredible gift of encouragement and creativity in the form of a book filled with writing prompts. My colleague and friend gave me 642 Things to Write About by the San Francisco Writer's Grotto as a demonstration of her support and belief in what I have to offer the world. We should all be so lucky to have a mentor like her. I wrote a LinkedIN post about it here, if you want to know how much she inspired me.
I've been enthralled by the book because it really promotes freedom of expression and getting my brain into a place where words just stream from my mind - exactly the place I need to be mentally in order to put my full-length book idea to paper, erm, screen. I've had such a fabulous time writing to the quirky prompts that I thought I would share some from time to time for my reader's entertainment. If you get inspired by the prompt feel free to write up your own version and share in the comments! Prompt: A house plant is dying. Tell it why it needs to live. Oh, succulent! Oh, green celestial spirit of the earth! You must exchange CO2. You must expel the oxygen. Your vibrant self a poultice for mine eyes. Your stalwart counter-top presence a reminder of nature's constancy. Live. Another day. Live. Prompt: You are an astronaut. Describe your perfect day. I woke up as our tiny, C-class space vessel rounded the nearest-while-safe orbit past an almost-super nova gas giant. I'm of the opinion that the deadliest things in our long human history have always been mesmerizingly beautiful. Volcanoes, from afar, look like giant splashes of fiery color, lightning strikes blaze luminescence and blinds you while enticing you to look. So too, with this super-nova-to-be on screen, it's purplish, red glow acting as a night light as I ease myself from the final tendrils of sleep. "Lights 25%" I croak in my signature morning voice. "Hi Babe" comes through the comm. He must have seen the activity node flash on his console indicating I'm up-and-at-them, an ages old expression that has lost all reference to whomever "them" may be. "Morning!" I echo back brightly to my co-pilot and husband, "how long have you been up?" "I took her off autopilot at 0600. Didn't want to leave the autonav to all the fun." "Heh, yeah," I agree. "Did you eat yet?" A glance at the infostream band around the room tells me it 0800, my guess is no. "Nah, didn't want a RAT and I figured you'd be up soon." I hear a grin through the comm. Ration: Astronaut Type, as it's marketed by the creators who wanted to make a supplement form of nourishment that provides the human body all the essential nutrients and aminos necessary to survive treks into deep space, can keep for 30 years, can be opened and consumed with just teeth, and tastes like the bioboard packaging it comes in; which young astronauts are told is edible as well (though I've never tried it). I'm not surprised he wanted to wait it out. "Ok," I smile back, "I'm off to the galley. Omelet with a side of organospuds coming right up." "How'd I get so lucky?" He asks and I imagine I'd see his wide smile if I flicked on the dash cam. I slip on my comfy NB inter-space loafers (I seriously would never go to space without them) and head to my favorite place on the vessel.You never know what a day in space will bring you and it's best to have a full belly and well-protected feet. Prompt: Tell a story that begins with a ransom note wE'VE goT tHE mutT. PAy Us $150,000 or eLSe! BItcOiN aCct: 5213215. YoU hAve uNtiL 6:00pm oN TuESdaY oR You'LL NevEr seE FIFI AgaIN! The view of my report was interrupted by a frail, translucent hand, mottled with liver spots and punctuated with hot pink nails. I glanced my eyes up at the hand's owner while keeping my chin down at my desk, a skill ingrained in me by years spent as the rookie of the police force in a town of 1500 residents. Having been assigned the first desk in a row of five, I was accustomed to bearing the brunt of the walk-ins. I darted my eyes sideways to see that Hayes, 3 years my senior, has noticed and subtly chosen to ignore the presence of the supplicant at my desk. I plaster a grin on my face and direct my eyes to meet the citizen I'm about to serve and protect. "How can I be of assistance, Mrs. Stomsku?" "Oh, Officer Clems! It's horrible!" her pitch tells me she is very distressed by what my quiet three years on the force is telling me will likely be some kids prank. "It has to be those terrible Lorban kids who moved in last fall! They've been giving my poor Fifi the stink eye all summer when she's just barking to keep their grubby feet of my precious petunia beds!" I stack the report I was working on top of the "to-do" pile and reach for a blank incidence sheet ready to dedicate all my efforts to getting her dog back safe. What can I say, I'm an animal lover and I like to do my best no matter what task I'm on. "Ok, Mrs. Stomsku, let's start from the beginning, when did you see Fifi last?" Prompt: The long-lost roomate The sight that met me at the door after the minute and a half of incessant doorbell ringing while I scrambled into pants, tripped over the threshold to my front entry and whipped back the deadbolt was not one I could have predicted. There stood the beleaguered figure of my long-lost college roommate, Christa, erm, Christen, no....Christine's her name. She only lived with me for a half a semester before dropping out to be closer to her boyfriend. What the heck is she doing here? I thought. I must have stood there thinking for too long because she tired of waiting for me to invite her in and blasted past my shoulder into my entry and into the sitting room beyond. "Hey!" I shouted and darted in behind her. That's it, folks. Hope they were at least a fraction of the fun to read as they were to write. :) Until my next post - Amy I love my morning commute. And, I’m not making a play on words and describing loving to work from home (which I do, too). No, I’ve recently discovered a way to enjoy the traffic trek. The secret is so simple. Don’t make the journey alone. Many benefits ensue once you commit to sharing your 5-20 cubic meters of vehicle space with another. The first perk is obvious and has huge impact: THE CARPOOL LANE goes faster. I’d love to give a great big bear hug to the person who invented the carpool lane. That jolly invention makes me feel as though we are not just cruising in our lane to our destination but rather passing all the other single passenger vehicles in a RACE TO THE FUTURE! I also love my morning commute in the carpool lane because I’m not a fan of battling traffic and since my office is the first destination on our route– I don’t have to drive. Ever. I’m fortunate because my husband is the other occupant of our commuter car and he likes to drive – especially in his nimble Mini Cooper S - maneuvering lanes, dodging mergers, and avoiding general mayhem. After “Han Solo-ing” us through the single passenger SUVs, lumbering work trucks, and SS’s (standard sedans), he drops me off and continues on his way. I’m pleased with our carpool because I feel that, in a small way, it’s helping reduce carbon emissions (one less vehicle on the road and fewer minutes that the engine is running). And, even though it is nominal, I take a small satisfaction in the fuel savings we reap by not firing up the less economical vehicle that waits for us in the garage at home. The excellent conversation and getting to spend more time with my favorite person in the world is also a benefit. That element, however, completely depends on who is in the car with you. If my commute sounds appealing, my advice is to check first whether commuting with your favorite person saves carbon, fuel, or time. Commuting with a coworker from the same neighborhood to your office building is likely the easiest carpool to arrange but that last perk might be missing. You may have to settle for a ride with a less-than-favorite individual – it would probably still be worth it- probably.
Precious minutes, hard-earned money, carbon emissions; if reducing those valued resources lost to your daily commute sounds good, hop on board the carpool lane…erm..train. |
AuthorCreative enthusiast, gregarious naturalist, opinionated humanist, MBA, RYT 200. Amy Kay Czechowicz completed a poetry challenge for 2018, 2020, and half of 2023 by posting an original poem daily to this blog. She teaches yin and vinyasa weekly at Green Lotus Yoga in Lakeville, Minnesota and chimes in here from time to time with musings and rhymes. Archives
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